Friday, April 20, 2012

How To Get An Asian Man, Phase I

I've noticed that in just the past couple of years there has been greater interest in interracial relationships between Asian (I'll be over-killing this word, bare with me) men and non-Asian women. It makes sense what with the growing popularity of Japanese and Korean pop music and dramas. So I thought I'd put in my two sense and hopefully encourage more interracial relationships with Asian men as I am married to one. Oh, my heart gave a flutter, haha. I honestly couldn't be happier. 

The big question remains though, how does one even enter into a relationship with the ever mysterious Asian male? Let me give you some insight, not only with obtaining (it sounds like you're trying to win a prize at a county fair) an Asian gentlemen, but keeping one. Challenge accepted (anyone know the reference)!

Allow me to treat you to some, ahem, eye candy throughout this post. You're welcome. Bonus jonus if you can name them.

Addressing the first major obstacle: finding one
Now I'm coming from the perspective of a female who has lived in the U.S. all my life, so I can't speak for other lovely ladies elsewhere.
As I've observed most Asians dwell on the east and west coast of the U.S.; California and the north east states specifically. I live in the mid-west where I generally see very few. Luckily for me I went to college in a "college town" where international students often attend. Not enough to blow your mind, but enough. Thus, geography plays a big key.

A second major point to keep in mind is---and this applies to any ethnicity/race---but ze Asians like to stick together, therefore they do not always venture to seek friendships/relationships with non-Asian folk.
This not only comes from my keen eyes, but my husband's experience. He's considered a F.O.B. (fresh off the boat) and has been in the states just a little short of 5 years. He and I attended the same college town and I did notice that often Thai's stuck with Thai's, Japanese stuck with Japanese and so on. Therefore, you will need luck on your side for an opportunity to meet an Asian such as at a party, school event, to be invited to some sort of group gathering, etc. Perhaps you get the picture?

Then how did I meet my husband? 
The first handful of times we met through group gatherings of sorts, to be honest. The first time was at a dance club with a group of mutual friends, the second time was attending a play with mutual friends, the third was a birthday party. See the trend?
He and I didn't talk much at the club not only because the obnoxious music was too loud to talk over, but at the time I had an extra hard time understanding him because of his [wonderful] accent, haha. Now I'm sometimes his interpreter, so to speak, when people can't follow his accent.. His accent really isn't that bad, but perhaps you follow me. Ya? ..Guys?

I'm generally a shy person, so I was lucky to have a friend (white American lady) that had already worked her way into the Asian community. It truly is thanks to our mutual friend that my husband and I met.
If you are shy like I was and are not much of a social person, then may the power of all unicorns and other magical creatures be on your side to even meet an Asian male. Ze Asian men do like the 'shy' type, but still you'll have a much greater chance meeting a guy through a mutual friend or at some sort of event rather than on your own.

Let me move onto a third point
Once you are in a position to have a conversation with your new eye candy, be aware that it's just as equally awkward for them because in general, ze Asians are not taught to small talk [with strangers]. Not just that, but the more obvious factor is figuring out what to talk about right? Both of you have grown up with most likely significantly different backgrounds on many aspects. So, just start with simple questions. 
What is your name? May I ask where you are from? If you're both in college/university: What are you majoring in? If you don't know anything about their major, and if you're genuinely interested to know more, ask further questions about. 

Since my husband and I were in college at the time of our meeting, we were able to take advantage of these  general questions I've listed. You really just have to start out slow like with anyone and let things develop naturally, don't try to force anything. I know I don't like folk who are too forceful and seemingly desperate. My hubby has suggested to stick with group gatherings the first handful of times before trying to isolate him and having one on one time. I agree.

Ah yes, another thing to keep in mind is Asian men are normally reserved, which can mean they do not show their emotions perhaps as openly compared to someone who has grown up in the U.S. You may get the impression that "they don't seem to like me." Just give it some time and have patience
A good example of why they might appear this way is often if they are too forward with a girl they like [in their home country] they can scare her off. On top of that if the guy is open about whom he likes he'll be teased by his friends. For the most part this applies to the younger Asian gents. Nevertheless, it's still something to keep in mind as to why they do not so willingly show their interest in you [particularly in the beginning]. 

Another small item is don't worry if they do not look you in the eye a great deal. This is a simple cultural difference. For many Asian cultures, folk don't look each other in the eye much out of respect. It can be considered rude to them if they stare at someone.

I think it's fitting to add in this stage what type of ladies Asian men go for. Again, this is just from my experience not only with my husband, but from several of my Asian friends. Therefore, this won't mean that all Asian gents go for the following type---though I'd say it's safe to say most would. Ahem, ze Asian gents often lean towards sweet, polite, cute and conservative ladies. This doesn't mean they aren't attracted to the "sexy" type, but when it comes down to who they want to date it is the cute type. Plus, the sexy type can be intimidating and as my husband puts it, "it's just not comfortable."

I think visuals are necessary at this point. Let's compare the following two women:




I can not stress enough to just be patient young grasshopper. Keep in mind that potential miscommunication may occur because again both of you will most likely come from very different backgrounds. Each of you may have different values, differing opinions on various topics, your general lifestyle habits may be different and so on. If ze Asian man ever says something that sounds insensitive or just in general "I can't believe he said that," keep in mind that English is their second language (I'm thinking of F.O.B's here), so they may phrase things poorly without meaning to. Lost in translation, ya know. Be patient, be understanding.

A Youtuber called Tenchijk, a male Asian-American, has addressed this topic quite well. You can find on his channel two other videos specifically about how to approach an Asian. The following video he talks about why Asians should date outside their race.

I hope you found this helpful. Please leave any further advice you may have on this topic; share the love. In phase II, I'll discuss how to "keep" your Asian once you have him… again it sounds like you won a prize at a fair or something, haha.

Want to know more? Read it here in Phase II of how to get an Asian man.

Here is my wonderful husband and I from 2010; an engagement photo.

(All pics. from


  1. For the type of girls, after talking with some friends, I would say not necessary conservative but yes we go for sweet, cute, polite, nice, and fun. And smiles. Who doesn't like the smiles? :)

  2. Do I smile enough for you sweetie? xD
    Thank you for the input. Ya ya, perhaps conservative can tend to mean not as outgoing and adventurous, which isn't as fun... I'm up for skiing, hiking that sort of thing, but we are not doing rock climbing, mkay. =P

  3. What a beautiful couple! You 2 look lovely together! I wish you all the best!

    1. That is very sweet of you to say, thank you very much! =D

  4. This was a pleasure to read and you have some nice advice. There is a strong feeling of positive energy in your blog. Keep it up.
    You and your hubby look so wonderful together. Wishing you guys all the happiness in the universe.

  5. OMG, is that what that is??? I have been telling my friends how this Korean guy in my class seem like he is avoiding me. I feel like he don't like me or want to be bothered. I also find it hard to believe he like me. It can't be that. I want to befriend this Korean guy who is an international student in my class at my university. I also want to ask him if he can help me with my Korean along with teaching me more about Korean culture.

    At the beginning of the school year, I sat across the classroom from him. I am always staring at him during class. I think he looks at my direction and I think because I have been staring at him, but I looked away. So I don't remember if he was staring at me or what. Few weeks later, I sat right next to him hoping we'll talk, but nothing happen. I am a extremely shy person and don't social much, so it's hard for me to approach people.

    Anyway, then like two weeks later, he moved two seats down behind him. I am trying to figure out why he moved and was hoping he didn't move because of me. Since I speak and still learning Korean, along with Chinese and Japanese, I asked the lady over the international studies if she knew anybody who speak Korean that I can get in contact with. At that time, I didn't know that the Korean guy in my was was Korean and a international student.

    She said yes and gave me his name and school email. She told me that he would be happy to know that there is somebody here that is interested in his language and culture. As I was emailing this guy, I realize he was the guy in my class. I didn't know his name because I never heard my teacher called his name. I was afraid to email him because he moved away from me and I didn't want to seem like a stalker, but I emailed him anyway.

    I told him where I got his email from, my interest in Korean movies/soap opera's/music, interested learning about South, Korea, the language and mention how I can speak little Korean, asked him if he can teach me Korean, told him who I was and describe myself. I can say a lot though with little Korean I know. It's been a month and I still haven't got a reply back. I ran into him twice and it seem like he didn't want to look at me think. I didn't look at him ether. One time (before I emailed him) he was with two other people in front of my room door asking me a question. He turned around and look the other way while the other two were asking me a question.

    After all of this, I took as that he just don't like at all. Plus I am Black girl who is chubby and not super pretty like the other girls in my class. I wouldn't I'm say fat fat fat. I am starting to like him though. I told my friends this and they all told me he's probably shy and just say hi and stuff, but I am afraid to because I don't think he like me and don't want to be friends.

    I have class with him tomorrow and I was thinking about writing a note in Korean asking him if he can help me with my Korean. Do you think that's a good idea? Some people told me just to go up to him and say hi in Korean, but I even more scared to do that. Do you think he like me, dislike me, don't want to be bothered or what? Thanks for the post.